Reasons to Abort #1

Courtney Love celebrated her estranged daughter's eighteenth birthday a day late on Twitter: "youve done a dammed good job frances of destroying anything i could build." She's a "sell out," and Courtney knows how to "ruiinher." Happy birthday!

There are millions of reasons to abort a pregnancy. Courtney Love is number one.

In this new column I like to call "Reasons to Abort," I would like to bring our attention to degenerate parents and hellacious children across the nation. We should encourage abortion as much as we should encourage drivers to clean their windshields...it prevents us from encountering dangers that lie ahead.

Let's explore why Courtney Love inspires me to abort:

No child should ever have to show up at a parent teacher conference late because its mother momentarily collapsed while driving on the interstate due to a mini-coke overdose. And no child should have to wake up a day after its birthday to read its parent's birthday well-wishes on twitter, alongside a note stating that it ruined its parents life. (But really, Courtney, how much are you responsible for the ramshackle existence you've put together? Really?)

And no child should be judged on the whorishness of it's mother's shame-curdling outfit. Children should be free from judgment, should be encouraged to not become a pole dancer or a cum bucket and should grow up in a household conducive to life extending past the age of 7.

This woman is an argument to start a government sterilization program for men and women. It can be voluntary, but this program would be most effective if it were mandatory for dysfunctional Madeas like Courtney. That her uterus was allowed to reproduce is shameful. We should have sent Sigourney Weaver after Courtney. Sigourney got the alien queen bee. Surely, she could get Kurt Cobain's baby mama.

People! Even those of you who actually like children would agree that all of the Courtneys out there should not be allowed to have children. If we do not stop them, well, it would be like allowing another alien sequel to thrive on earth. Do you want to live in a world with millions of hellions running amok?

I do not. So please, Courtney, and all you would be Courtneys, shut ur trap.

You are the reason why theme parks are unpleasant, why the children of celebrities stuff our twitter feeds with inane shit that distracts us from real news. Devolution, here we go! Sounds like a good title for your next album. It will probably sell millions and become the soundtrack for all of the should-have-been-aborted children the world over.

Sigh.