H.A.M. of the Day for September 22, 2010

This cat needs to shut the fuck up.

Cat, obviously the other cat doesn't want you. Be a brave pussy and move on.

Do you understand, cat?

There's plenty of snatch in the batch worth the catch, in terms as distracting as a felt mouse at the end of a string.

What you need to do is scratch up the other cat's tires and spread the rumor that your ex-cat-lover has feline AIDS.

That way, he won't have a way to get to the vet for its shots and it will mostly likely go feral, and ain't no cat ever gonna give it any cat-loving ever again.

Cat, there is no use in making an ass out of yourself in public in an attempt to redeem a relationship that has obviously gone bust, with another cat who obviously does not care, a cat who would make you resort to crazy public antics at the cost of your self-respect. All of it. All the people of Walmart probably stood around and watched this sorry ass display. Didn't they? Are you proud of that? Huh? They filmed you with their discount camera.

Cat, you were once the inspiration of Egyptian kings and queens. Now you are just fodder for hackneyed artists designing for middle-America bungalows strewn with ceramic kitties and mugs with the phrase 'catitude,' horrific houses belonging to families who spend their time youtube-ing cat porn for entertainment.

Cat, a sorry ass cat-lover is the least of your troubles, you are one hot ass mess.