New Column! - Crack is One Hell of a Drug!

This just in..

So, apparently, crackheads, seeking new highs, are throwing themselves against the 625-volt-strong third rail of the NYC metro transit system.

Great.

Like I need another fucking thing delaying me on the subway.

We should be up in arms before a rash of crazy ass crackheads start delaying our commutes even further.

These bitches are so hell-bent on getting high, they don't give a fuck that I need to be at the club at specific time or else I will have to pay the $10 cover.

Fuck you crackhead. Get the fuck out my way.

If you are a crackhead and you are reading this, try jumping off a bridge, please. It will get you high, and will probably kill you, probably not, but still, try it, cuz then you will not endanger my commute, especially if there are fewer and fewer of you with each passing day.

But seriously, we need to help these crackheads deal with these addictions. Lord knows what else they will do to fuck up our already crack-addled society. Who knows, pretty soon, they may jump off of buildings threatening unknowing perambulators city-wide.

But you don't give a fuck do you, crackhead? Nope.

Question: How come crackheads can do life-threatening shit that would kill the rest of us and still survive?

You would peel yourself right off of the bloodied carcass you murdered, smiling or strung-out, and zombie-march to the corner hoping the crack-slinger will accept the blood-soaked $20 you just slipped from your latest victim's wallet...

Detestable wretch.

Beware nascent crackheads. The 625-volt jolt may be fun, but you will end up looking crazy as fuck.

Plus, your front cover pic on the New York Post does not make for a hawt facebook profile pic.

And you will end up on my blog.

I tell you people, crack is one hell of a drug, ain't it crackhead?