Cristiano Ronaldo. What the fuck is wrong with you? You are a universal remote. You turn everyone on. Fuck, straight men would fuck you. Just try it. Watch what happens. You are, in a word, scrumptuous. Paris Hilton is...the crust that forms in the crevice of your jockstrap after a world cup game.
Cristiano Ronaldo, you are my hot ass mess of the day.
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