Britney Spears, bitch, grl, you know you can afford to hire an exterminator. How you gonna go out on the street looking like that? Grl, you are messy.
Grl, States Embrace National Standards for Schools (Grl, I doubt we can do anything to help the hooligans that were on the train with me this morning. Education ain't gonna help them. What they need is a good tasering.)
By TAMAR LEWIN
States that adopt the standards by Aug. 2 win points in the Obama administration’s Race to the Top competition for a share of the $3.4 billion to be awarded in September.
Facing Pension Woes, Maine Looks to Social Security (Grl, I need to marry rich. This economics talk makes me dizzy.)
By MARY WILLIAMS WALSH
Some states provide retirement benefits for their employees solely from their state pension programs, but Maine, spurred by costs, is considering changes.
Water Dispute Increases India-Pakistan Tension (Grl, the last thing they need to be arguing about is water, don't they got them monsoons up over there? Ignant.)
By LYDIA POLGREEN and SABRINA TAVERNISE
A battle over a dam threatens to upset delicate negotiations to renew peace talks on Kashmir.
Britain’s Leader Carves Identity as Budget Slasher (This title makes me think that this article is either about a cooking show or a horror movie. In any case, this article has something to do with harmful sharp edges. And its in Britain so there's probably a wolf involved.)
By JOHN F. BURNS
After 10 weeks in office, David Cameron has emerged as one of the most activist prime ministers in modern times, rivaling in some respects even Margaret Thatcher.
Perfection in the Horseshoe Pit as the Best Ever Takes His Turn (Grl, Are you serious? Horsehoe is a fucking sport?)
By JOHN BRANCH
Alan Francis, widely considered the best horseshoe pitcher in history, has won 15 world titles, including the past seven.
For Those Deported, Court Rulings Come Too Late (Grl, how many cuties do we gotta lose before Obama does something? We should be keeping these alejandros and make it easy for them to visit us! We need alejandro amnesty.)
By NINA BERNSTEIN
A ruling that the government was wrong to automatically deport legal immigrants for minor drug offenses will not help thousands already ejected from the country.
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