Cock Block

I dedicate my blueballs to the MTA. How many times have I been late to see my boy, whomever that is at any given time, due to MTA delays? Not only does it keep me lying in wait to get off, but when I finally get to my destination, I have to spend my time and energy apologizing and then convincing my boy that it was indeed the MTA's fault that I was late.

MTA, you need to start passing out 'Sorry to Have Cock-Blocked You' notes to beleaguered passengers, because if ever again I have to suffer through a long ass conversation with one of my tricks before I can get some, well then I guess that instead of busting a nut, I will have to bust your union.

Not only do you suck as a general rule, now you want to hike the fares so that we New Yorkers will now have the most expensive mass transit monthly card in the nation. For what? Most of you just sit around all day not earning the good money that you are paid.

MTA, you are cockblocking enemy #1, and if you keep making it a habit of entrapping, teasing and delaying sexually frustrated new yorkers, you will feel the explosion within. Trust that.

H.A.M. of the Day for October 28, 2010

Kirstin Davis. Oh, excuse me, Madam Kristin Davis. How could I forget your honorific.

Woman,you are not qualified to run for governor just because one of your former clients was Eliot Spitzer. You don't get the goods necessary through seminal infusion. That you may believe that scares me. First, Palin, then O'Donnel, now you. Wtf! I was hoping that the world would take a positive turn once women came into power.

Hilary Clinton, can you please start publicly beating these women? Seriously, please reassure us that women are amazing, powerful, intelligent supreme-beings! You should be like Conan the Barbarian, or Dexter, just get rid of the world's sludge. Make way for the fierce women in our world to take the helm.

And once you do, please advise all the future woman leaders that they should never run a campaign with the slogan: Vote Homo, Not Cuomo.

For some reason, a former madam/botched plastic surgery victim/possible tranny feels empowered to use a derogatory term to galvanize the electorate.

Kristin Davis, you are a hot ass mess.

New Column! - Profiles of Upstanding Minorities

Ray is a folk-hero. We all have moments when we hate our jobs and oftentimes that hate is brought on not by the actual job but by the people you work with. At times like those, we all want to get violent. But, we don't, because we want to keep our jobs, right minorities?

For those of us who have a problem with our temper, Ray has created a song to help you relieve your stress in the hopes that you will not whoop any of your co-worker's asses and thereby add to the massive numbers of minorities without jobs or those in prison.

For those of you who may think me contradictory considering that I recently wrote about how minorities should not sing in public, I will submit that I meant that edict to stand as far as court rooms are concerned. At your work place, it is ok to go out in public, walk around the block and sing this little ditty to yourself. The fresh air, the walk and the singing will all help to cool your nerves.

Ray, you are an upstanding minority. Your song is better than any plan Obama could conjure up to ensure jobs and economic growth, and the betterment of our communal minority lot. You deserve a Nobel.

P.S. There is an amazing remix. Ray, you are the gift that keeps on giving.

Gaily News for October 28, 2010 - The daily news translated for gay people.

The Rent is too Damn High doll is here! (Grl, its better and sassier than a RuPaul doll.)


Grl, Coalition for Obama Split by Drift to G.O.P., Poll Finds (Grl, the republicans are getting control. Things are about to get super-oppressive.)
By JIM RUTENBERG and MEGAN THEE-BRENAN
Critical parts of the coalition that elected President Obama — women, Catholics, independents and the poor — are switching sides, according to the latest Times/CBS News poll.


Grl, Chinese Supercomputer Wrests Title From U.S. (Grl, everybody knows that the Chinese love making the world's uber-fiercest gadgets.)
By ASHLEE VANCE
Tianhe-1A, at the National Supercomputing Center in China, has 1.4 times the horsepower of the current top computer, which is at a national laboratory in Tennessee.

Grl, In Icy Tip of Afghanistan, War Seems Remote (Grl, Here's a riddle, what is lawless in a lawless land?)
By EDWARD WONG
The rules that apply to the rest of Afghanistan are often irrelevant in the Wakhan Corridor.


Grl, Treasury Sees Escalating Risk to Home Prices (Grl, The mortgage issue is as never-ending as Madonna's career! Have you heard her new song: Broken)
By SEWELL CHAN
The uncertainty over the legal status of foreclosed homes could further delay the recovery of the housing market, the Obama administration said.

Grl, In Spain, Homes Are Taken but Debt Stays (Grl, We need to provide amnesty to all hot Spanish boys suffering from the economic crisis. They are sad and they need comforting.)
By SUZANNE DALEY
Laws in Spain are saddling some homeowners with mountains of inescapable debt as the economy falters.

Grl, Stores Push Black Friday Into October (Grl, Shopping!)
By STEPHANIE CLIFFORD
The shopping event is arriving ahead of Halloween this year with some promotions beginning this week

Things Minorities Should Not Do In Public

Minorities, please do not sing in court, you're making a spectacle of yourself at a moment when your level of seriousness is paramount and can decide whether you will spend time in jail. Why do you think Legal Aid provides clothing vouchers for you to dress properly when you appear before a judge? Still, even though you may be dressed to the nines, the fact that you break out into Sunday-morning spirituals, albeit with a beautiful voice, will not help you.

You are also making a mockery of our justice system. How is a judge supposed to make a fair decision when all they can think about is a chain-gang? Further, do not look for a record deal at the moment when the blades of justice are swaying above your head. Instead, practice what you would say to the judge before a mirror. If your hands start flailing just above your ear, or if you hail the good lord's name under your breath, if you have to take a second to take deep breaths followed by a "wooooooh," if you start tapping your weave, stop, and start all over again.

And why are calling on God? Do you know where are? In the land where God has forsaken thee and thy kind. Remember slavery? How about Hurricane Katrina? God ain't gonna help you, but some common sense on how to comport yourself in court will.

When you have gotten to a point where you can discuss your grievance without having a motown moment, then, and only then are you ready.

Minorities, please do not sing in court because they will just think that justice is a game that they can play on you, just so as you have come into the environs of justice doing.

Gaily News for October 26, 2010 - The daily news translated for gay people.

Aw, What would you do if somebody gave you a 15-inch penis tattoo?

Grl, Divide on U.S. Deficit Likely to Grow After Election (grl, How do expect to deal with our debt, if big daddy gov can't get his ish together?)
By JACKIE CALMES
A midterm campaign that has turned heavily on the issue of mounting federal debt is likely to yield a government even more split over how to handle it, people in both parties say.

Grl, Afghan Leader Admits His Office Gets Cash from Iran (grl, Is anybody really surprised that "Afghan Leader" is conducting business off the books?)
By DEXTER FILKINS and ALISSA J. RUBIN
President Hamid Karzai said that he uses an off-the-books fund to pay expenses incurred in the course of doing his job.

Grl, In Bond Frenzy, Investors Bet on Inflation (grl, Rich bitches find more ways to trick us out of our money.)
By CHRISTINE HAUSER
Investors are betting that inflation will rise to a level that more than compensates for the premium they paid initially for five-year Treasuries.

Grl, In Alaska Senate Race, Front-Runner Isn’t on Ballot (grl, Alaska continues it's tradition of conducting tartar elections.)
By WILLIAM YARDLEY
Just weeks ago, Senator Lisa Murkowski’s re-election bid looked like a long shot, but polls indicate she may be the first person to win a Senate election as a write-in candidate since 1954.

Grl, China Telecom Giant Makes Push for U.S. Market (grl, China is taking over.)
By JOHN MARKOFF and DAVID BARBOZA
Security concerns make telecommunications a particularly delicate industry in the United States.

Grl, Riches May Not Help Papua New Guinea (grl, news from Papua New Guinea?! Weird, right?)
By NORIMITSU ONISHI
An expected flood of money in Papua New Guinea could throw a country already beset by corruption into further turmoil.


Grl, Few Women in Cuomo or Paladino Inner Circles (grl, Gubernatorial election teams big sausage fests. I'm feeling all political all of a sudden.)
By MICHAEL BARBARO and ELIZABETH A. HARRIS
Experts say the relative paucity of women in the pair’s political operations has led to a testosterone-infused governor’s race.